Why does one text from the right guy with words can change me so much? it doesn't even have to be a text, just a touch, a phrase, a picture. Why does the little things make me so fragile? why did i have fall for his charm? why did i believe him in first place at all? coz' i knew that wouldn't work from the beginning but i just let it (or him, idk) get me. I now realize what a fool i've been, i mean yeah he did said he got a thing for me, but was it even real? i don't think so, because if it were true, if he did really felt what he said he was feeling, it would have not been so easy to forget, he would have not gave up that easy. But that just what i like to think because i think i'm worth the effort, maybe he just don't feel the same way because if he would have done something to work it out, i had been willing to try but i just don't think i am anymore and it makes me sad that now we don't have the same confidence to talk about stuff anymore and it's all his fault i blame it on him.
and now i think i'm going to tell why i think the fault is on him.
His was (is?) a good friend, someone i could talk to and joke with but we weren't that close until a few months ago he started to make eyes to me and he'll always be around when we were in school and if he'd know my friends and i had plans he'd tag along i just didn't know why. Then he started texting and saying thing i'd never have expected from him or anyone at the time, but less from him, that's when i got confused as sh*t and i didn't know how to react, i mean i liked what he said and I think i even started to like all of it but did not want to leave it to him so easy. Two weeks after having finished school texts with nice cute messages stopped and wondered why, I thought " well maybe trying to give me space " But time passed and we no longer talked as before. I decided I would not let it get to me after all I was the one who was playing hard to get and everything was fine in peace and calm until the day when my best friend told me she had something to tell...He had told her he was going to "conquer" her and my friend , who knew everything that had happened between us was not comfortable with the situation, so she told me and asked me "what should i do?" and i honestly didn't know i was brokenhearted and so she asked me if it was ok for her to ask him "what had happened to the two of us ?" and so i told her of course she could and to let me know the answer and his response didn't make me feel any better like i thought it would.
And now here i am at 1 a.m. writing on my blog, that nobody reads, how i feel, letting the internet know first than anyone else who really matters in my life how i feel about the guy i liked since 7th grade. How I feel? devastated, stupid, broken, sad. And the worst part? i was doing fine before he declared his L-O-V-E for me. Yes, love. He said he love me but i think he was just confused or wanted to experience something i don't know. I'm done.
Bisous,
Jiba
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